9 Daze

November 2, 2019

It feels so much longer than a week and a few days when I was as high as a kite for most of it. This ACL transplant will forever remind me that when you are on a stage doing high performance moves, jumps, kicks and singing and stomping you are 100% an athlete. When you have no ACL for 8 years or so and you create a solid foundation of muscle to support that leg and still enjoy and do so much in life, you are 100% an athlete. But I grew and decided I want to surpass the limited shit I can do with a broken ACL so I chose to have a very painful surgery which requires a year of recovery. And I am sitting here at this stage of 20 hours of bed rest and maybe 2 hours a day on my feet kind of walking with a cane and a very dramatic brace to write this out so I will never forget it and maybe inspire people who need it. 


In my case I feel I had no option. In recent events I ended up at a psychiatric neurologists office because of some weird weakness and lack of mobility in my other leg and after seeing many doctors and many tests I was one step a away from from being diagnosed with Maple Syrup Urine Disease or Multiple Sclerosis. Meanwhile, all this time I was just wanting ONE of all those doctors to find something else wrong with my leg that could be fixed. They opted for no XRays or MRI's, so my next mission is to demand some. I know my body and I am not ill I am hurt. So, one step away from "diagnosis" I decided to get a second opinion AFTER getting my leg with the broken ACL fixed and as strong as it can possibly be just in case I really was going to have some fucked up long term syndrome  that was about to wipe out my right side. 


I remember when it happened. The twist, pop and fall. And I even remember the thought... get up and walk it off! And I did, I got back up finishing a show and helping to hump gear while my leg throbbed, hardly worked and was swelling. No one noticed. I swear to the world, put me in a big pair of black boots, hand me a mic and I am a soldier... 


My healing is going well. I am already walking with a cane. Bending and straightening my leg as my hamstring and quad were exceptionally strong. I will admit my mind and some dark depression has sunk into me during those times where I am just laying there but that too will be a distant memory. I have physical goals and dreams that are helping me get through this. To stomp across a stage again and play music and sing! To climb that beautiful Mount Rainier and most all just to run and jump again with Ghost. Something I have had so much difficulty doing since I broke my ACL. I have so much energy and fierce muscles in this body and so much I still need to do.  



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